We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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