Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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