Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
