what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
