To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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