So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
