A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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