Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
