If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
not ubering you a puppy
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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