Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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