its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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