I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
