hotel room ftw
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
