Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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