Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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