If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
