He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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