Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
