That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
