So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
