JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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