this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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