Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
