Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She needs sedatives and a leash
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
