It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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