Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
