I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
