there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
