Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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