And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
