First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
