Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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