dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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