How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
