I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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