Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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