She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
