That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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