..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
