i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
