if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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