my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
