Dual....:-)
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
