Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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