my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
