I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
