Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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