Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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