we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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