I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
