Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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