Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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