dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
