At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
