sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i need to put some appletini on your dick
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
