hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
