if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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