Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
