i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
