I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
